How wonderful to be able to go where I want to go.
Now I could go out by car within 1-2 hours far about once a month or two months though from late noon to night.
I went to dermatological meetings or lectures.
Besides, I took my daughter to amusement parks. I felt like I was dreaming.
Since I had never been able to take her to any enjoyalbe place till then, now we finally could have chances of ordinary recreations.
I could sit still and concentrate something for a while. It had been impossible because of constant stinging itch till then.
I went to theaters or a planetarium. I could also go to movie theathers in the next spring.
I went to department store and bought cloths as well.
I had gotten all clothes from mail-order firms till then.
I was happy I could go and try cloths on in a fitting room.
However, morning and early afternoon time and outdoor work were not in my territory yet.
I tried to go to a large park in my city with my family in one pleasant autumn day, but I became terribly tired of only 1.5 hours stay and never wanted to go again. (Next visit was, say, 2 years later!)
Among those activities, a big progress for me was to go haircut.
Please don't laugh how trivial thing it was.
To be cut my hair in beauty parlor, I had to sit still about one or two hours.
Sweaty body condition under plastic mantle, towels wound tight around neck, hair cut and fallen on me; all induced itch to me.
Besides, since my state was apparent to others in bright beauty parlors, I could not scratch my body in secret unlike in dark theaters.
So I had never been able to go to a beauty parlor for those 5.5 years.
I had been compelled to cut my hairs roughly by myself.
On one day, I experienced exudate appeared on my legs after a long time.
I wondered why.
The time my leg caused tremendous itch was soon after I changed my cloths.
I beared but the itch did not go away.
Finally I undressed trousers and the itch was dismissed.
I touched my nose to the trousers. It smelled like detergents.
(I add that my aunt smelled nothing.)
It seemed that the unwashed-out detergents were the cause of my legs' itch.
Did my aunt, who often came to help my housework, put in some more detergents when she used the washing machine?
I asked her but the answer was uncertain.
She was surprised how sensitive I was. So was I.
I had been wondering whether detergent makers indicated to use too much dose to sell more.
Could washing machines fully wash out those detergents by just one or two times of rinses? -No, they wouldn't.
Maybe my skin was sensitive or allergic to the residual detergent.
But everyone should have similar chances.
I became frightened actresses put two or three big spoonfuls of detergent into washing machines in TV commercials or dramas since then.
And I thought we should not blindly accept whatever companies tells us.
We should judge by ouselves.
I quited using synthetic detergents and transferred to use powder soap (using hot water to dissolve them).
Moreover I used just minimal dose. Quite a few dirt could be washed out just by stirred in water.
I prewashed persistent stains with spot use of high concentrations of detergent or bleaching. I could totally wash out them by rincing the spot enough before I threw them into the washing machine.
By the way, the loss of my mother still suffered me.
It was very hard for me to get up in the morning in the winter.
And in the afternoon when I finally get up and start my daily works, my scratched skin was more painful by the stimulation of winter dry winds.
I felt I had lost the vigorous power of my family member with whom I had spent much time of talk, join and take my sorrow.
However, I could not go back to the past.
I had to keep living protecting my child.
I could not have any motivataion then, but it was okey.
I would survive; it was the only goal of that winter for me.
As the spring came, my will power slowly came back.
I spent time by houseworks and studying.
I challenged to improve my breakfast in the spring.
I had noticed that my breakfast seemed to be bad.
It was composed of breads and light coffee.
Because they were easy to prepare; I just went and bought some preferable breads at bakers in department stores or supermarkets once in every three days, stored in refregerator and baked for a few minutes before I ate them.
But I had read like below in books of a naturalist Tadao Makuuchi.
Those breads are made of purified wheat and had lost most minerals and vitamins.
Since their volume relied rather for swelling effects of baking powders than their contents, we were like eating air.
We filled up our stomach by added lipids and sugars.
Moreover they contained much food additives.
Japanese traditional breakfast were boiled and steamed rice, Miso soup, baked fish and pickles.
But my appetite did not allow to eat such abundant menu in the morning because of my constitution of low blood pressure.
But I thought of I could eat just rices instead of breads.
If I made a whole week's supply as rice balls and stocked them frozen, I could eat one or two in the morning by just heating up them.
Thus I started to eat rice every morning.
The menu were rice balls seasoned by sea salt and black sesami with laver, beverage metling roasted brown rice powder into hot water, seasonal fruit and a lactic acid drink.
At the same time, I tryed to change white rices to unpurified rices to take more minerals and vitamines.
Though I thought that brown rices were ideal, but they needea a lot of time and effort to cook and were said they might be too heavy for weak gastrointestines of allergic people to digest and absorb.
First I blended some 70% purified rice, then gradually increased the dose and ended to eat 60% purified rice with some sundry kinds of grains.
I felt somewhat uneasy about the unfamiliar brown look and a little dry taste, but they tasted deeper as I chewed them well.
And they seemed to hold body energy longer.
(However to tell the truth, this had a later story.
Though I still kept up eating rice balls containing sundry grains in the morning, I gave up unpurified rice several years later.
The reason why were my daughter and aunt preferred smooth moist taste of white rice, the brans tended to call more rice-eating insectes, and my AD did not improve by that.)
In summer of the year, I could not only by car but also by train.
It meant now I could bear itch and stay avoiding scratch for a while. The incessant itch and pain of my skin was improving.
I tried to go out by walk or by train as many times as I could.
I felt how extremely my muscles had been weakened because of these hiding years.
But a little exercise brought tremendous itch yet.
Slowly and slowly, I started doing walking and muscle exercises.
When I touched the calf of my legs, I perceived thin muscles.
My belly was swallowed by fats, not by muscles.
The physical declination of my body due to long-time inactive life was obious.
I had to recover it to live long.
Physical activity might have something with AD activity.
Because it affected the briskness of one's metabolism.
Actually, I was a quiet thinking child who was very poor at sports.
This inactivity played a role to make this allergic predisposition.
The fact that my health condition was good when I belonged to tennis club supported this theory.
I envied active healthy people.
Or, am I just idle?
I was ashamed.
The peak of eruptions seemed to transfer downward.
When we treated psoriatic patients by UVA irradiation, leg eruptions remained to the end.
It was probably because head had abundant blood flow yet legs had poor one.
My eruption prevailed all skin areas except head, face, palms and soles.
Now upper half of my body improved on the one hand and lower half caused strong itch on the other hand.
There occurred another trouble.
As I felt itch and scratched at perianal area, I had a desire to urinate because of somatic-visceral reflex.
I became to urinate frequently.
At restaurants, when I sat on chairs and sofas coverd with vinyl, I felt sticky a lot.
My thighs got hot and sweaty, causing itch.
It reduced the joy of mealtime.
Vinyl chairs were prevailing anywhere these days including high-ranking hotels.
Opportunism thrived everywhere.
I sometimes brought a cushion by myself, but it was unseemly.
In other times I sat on my jacket.
AD often prevents us to care about our appearance.
We are limited to wear smooth cotton cloths without accessaries, perfumes and cosmetics.
Similarly, AD mens tend to prefer casual wears because black suits reveal scales on the soulders and Y-shirts rub weak neck skin.
It's very hard for us AD patients to wear formally.
It sometimes make me depressed to recognize myself to be a deficient person as a member of society.
In winter of the year, I became to be able to sit erect with my legs folded under me in a short time.
It' a sitting style of Japanese fashion.
Since my burst of AD, the flexion side skin of my knees had been affected severely.
I had been able to neither flex nor extend my legs fully because insured stiff skin caused intolerable pains when pulled or pressed.
I always walked as my legs flex a little.
But now I could erect my knees perfectly for a while.
It was difficult to detect changes of my skin and body in everyday's observation because the changes progressed very slowly.
Yet I could know the improvement through detecting such changes of lifestyles.
The awareness of was very important as it bear an additional will power to continue convalescing.
Since I became to be able to move my legs more easily, I bought a bicycle.
Instead of sitting steady in my car, now I could transfer while trainig myself.